The tracks of my tears

If I could have a song playing as u read this blog post it would be "tracks of my tears" by Smokie Robinson

I used to laugh at the songs that talked about not being able to breath or lose of breath over a guy or girl. I used to. But lately...i see where those songs are coming from.

I like to think of myself as a strong person. So it confuses me when I realize how badly I am dealing with this break up. It hurts. It just hurts. I find myself crying in my room by myself. God is great to me and I am so thankful to him for all of his many blessings. I just seriously loose my breath when I remember how happy I was with him or how perfect for each other we are. I hate crying and I'm tired of it. But the tears come more than I would like to admit. It hurts to be around him especially since we are still good friends. It hurts to be away from him.

Lately I have been going out with friends and trying to enjoy myself. Like tonight, I went to a friends birthday dinner. We had a great time. But guess who was there? My ex's roommate his freshman year and his sophomore year in college. Me and him are friends but of coarse best friend/ex came up more than a couple of times during the birtday dinner. After the dinner the group of us went to a house party/get together. Guys tried to talk to me (which happens...i mean i aint ugly lol) and I closed myself off. Is it crazy that i KNOW what I want...??? I know who i want. I KNOW.. And I dont need to look anymore....does that sound pathetic????? Best friend....maybe he needs to see for himself...i dunno. God Knows...and I'm just gonna be here...waiting...hopefully not in vain.

Its late and I just started crying....so take this rant with a grain of salt. My head will be a little clearer in the morning after I get some sleep.

For now I will leave u with my theme song...

"So take a good look at my face; you see my smile looks out of place; if you look closer it's easy to trace; the tracks of my tears"...